The wife drug me to Babys R Us this morning to pick up the $37,000 worth of cribs, chest of drawers, hangers, mattresses, car seats, and night lights. I took the van from work to haul all of the shit and soaked joyous rapture of the store manager and me trying to fit all of it into the ass end of the van. Good thing the company has a one ton van.
Nice weather today in North Carolina- 60 degrees F with sun. So I threw on the nut-hugging homo pants and hit the bike with the insane triathlon geek friends 1 and 2. We only rode for 1.5 hours and did a 30 minute run afterwards but my p*%##y still hurts. These morons are training for a 1/2 Ironman (1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike ride, 13 mile run) and planning on doing Lake Placid Ironman in 2007 (1/2 Ironman x 2) and are of the opinion that I will be doing it with them. Queue laughter here...
I am a triathlete but I do sprint triathlons (1/2 mile swim, 12 to 18 mile bike, 5k run) and occasionally an international distance triathlon (sprint x 2) but the Ironmans are in a league of their own. I'm not saying that I can't do it. I have no doubt that I have the physical ability and somewhat the desire. I just can't do it without neglecting my job and most importantly my fambly. (that's right I said "fambly" That's how us folks in NC tawk).
But I felt much better getting some exercise after several weeks of slothing around, eating Hershey's Special Dark Chocolate, Cape Cod Potato Chips and drinking too much damn Zinfandel.
It seems the daughter has gotten into a bad habit. The wife and I had two sleepless nights this past week because the Daughter decided that sleeping on her own in her own room was utterly beneath her. So she put the vocal cords on 10 and made her pronouncement about midnight both nights. After repeated sessions of rocking and telling her it was time for "night night" the wife finally took her into the bed with her. I couldn't get back to sleep - two nights in a row. I might as well get used to that shit!
Potty training hasn't progressed either. She still is dumping behind the drapes in the wearable shitbag. Here I go again, complaining. I think I should rename this blog "The King of Whiny-ass Jackasses".
Despite all my complaining, I am ultimately satisfied with my position in life at the present. I am blessed with the love of my life (the daughter) who makes me laugh and smile every day. I have a very loyal and dedicated wife (non-booty-throwing for now, but dedicated), I have an awesome job- (the company is very profitable), and I don't have a hairy ass any more.
Speaking of my lack of SEX.
Triathlon geek friend #2 was talking about the church he and his wife started attending. The preacher is having a lecture series on couples needs - you know, "her needs" vs. "his needs." He suggested that I should attend with my wife on the "his needs" week to plant the seeds for the resolution to my shriveling schlong syndrome. Very kind of him to think of me in my time of need.
I might attend but I have another ass-waxing session with BoBo the love clown that Sunday and then I am going to eat a gallon of glass shards. Those things are much more spiritually satisfying than church. My agnosticism is my least endearing quality to my god fearin' southern fried wife. Cain't have it all!!!! Jesus love me.. but he cain't stand you!
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2 comments:
How the fuck did you spend 37k at Babies R' Us?!?! Ugh, I hate that store (the one on South St. at least is terrible!)
I went all out but can't believe that I may have even spent half of that (since you have twins coming.) Did you get rid of everything after the first kid?
Nope we sure as hell didn't get rid of everything after the first kid. We still have about 3 square feet of floor space that isn't occupied by kids stuff so we had to cover that up. Apparently we are going to need it- or so I am told.
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