Wanna hear some more about twins?

Atticus still doesn't have any teeth. He is dying to eat solids and wants to feed himself. Adrienne will constantly go to Atticus and take away from him any object with which he is playing. He gets so pissed off and cries.

Atticus has some sort of eczema on his left let and face.

Adrienne has learned that it is fun to spit out her food by blowing a big breath of air through pursed lips. The green peas fly everywhere.

Last night both the wife and I were out of the room and left the twins in their room very briefly ( bad idea). I cam back into the room in less than a minute to find both of them in the bathroom splashing gleefully in the unflushed toilet. Adrienne had a wad of urine soaked toilet paper in her mouth and Atticus was elbow deep in piss as the water sloshed and swirled from their stirring hands. Unfortunately there were no turds in the toilet.

You can't turn your back on those little fuckers for a second... they are always up to no good. Mostly Adrienne sits back and watches as Atticus bumbles his way through whatever he is doing. He always ends up crawling and crying. Something is always pissing him off.

Yesterday Atticus pulled up on the open door of the dishwasher and pulled out all the dirty utensils and deposited them on the floor with as much clanging and noise as he could make.

Trying to change both of the hellions diapers is a lesson in frustration and futility. They wriggle and squirm and try to roll over on the stomach. They really hate lying on their backs for any more than two seconds without some sort of distraction. Atticus always ends up screaming while twisting like an alligator rolling on the bottom of the swamp drowning its prey.

Then if changing the diapers isn't bad enough you have to put on their clothes of pajamas. Maybe a shot of liquor for me and one for the twins will help to make dressing and diaper changing easier.

Atticus crapped his pants five times today.

Way back when, Adrienne was so easy to put to sleep... just lay her in the crib and she sucked her thumb and went to sleep. Atticus was such a peckerhead to try to get to sleep. I would rock him to sleep and he would be fast asleep. Put him in his crib and he starts crying. Rock to sleep, put in crib, and cry. Sometimes I repeated this little game five or six times before the little crumbmuncher would go to sleep.

Now it is the other way around. Adrienne is the little crapnapper to put to sleep. Rock her to sleep and put her down and she cries. The difference is that the wife and I don't give a shit anymore and we just let her cry until she goes to sleep.

Atticus goes to sleep easily now. Give that little fucker a bottle and he is out. Throw him in the crib and he is good for the night. He just started sleeping through the night about a week ago.

We had both cribs in one room and the two little assmonsters slept in the same room. Every (and I mean every) night the male infant (Colonel Stinky as I like to call him) woke up about 1:00 to 2:00 am and started crying. If you let him cry he would wake up Adrienne and she would start crying. If you let her cry she would wake up Lolo and then Bill Clinton would become ethical.

So, the wife was getting up with him and rocking him back to sleep every night. Sometimes it took five minutes sometimes it took two hours. This went on for about 8 months. I felt pretty bad for the wife cuz she would not wake me up unless they both were screaming. So I slept through most all nights. She was a walking pissed off sleep deprived angry person for a long time.

I finally put the Pack n Play in another room and we put Lance Corporal Stinky in that contraption and let him cry when he woke up. His crying didn't wake up any of the other offspring so it was heaven!!!! We couldn't hear him crying from our bed and we purposely did not put a monitor in his room. He had learned to wake up during the night and get a bottle even when there was nothing wrong with him.

Now he has learned that he is supposed to sleep through the night- or at least we think so because we don't hear him crying.

By the way, Adrienne, being the angel she is, has always slept through the night since a very early age.

Going to Tahoe on Wednesday to celebrate a bachelor party. The last one of my friends is getting married. I keep asking him what the hell he is going to do when his wife finds out he is gay. He is such a fuckchop.

Valentines Day - Just Another Sexless Day

No Nookie for The Fid. The wife is so tired every night after taking care of three hellions that she is just not in the mood. I can't blame her for her lack of drive. That is just the way it it. Children do that to you. I am back to being a professional abstainer.

Adrienne briefly stood up for about three seconds without holding on to anything about two days ago. He hasn't done it since.

Adrienne continues to be a very happy girl. She is really good at patty-cake. Atticus does this too. The other day they sat down face to face and both patty-caked together. They are now entertaining each other and starting to play together. Adrienne always seems to get the upper hand and Atticus always seems to be pissed off. We think it is teething. He still doesn't have any teeth. Adrienne has two bottom teeth and she likes to use them when Atticus sticks his hand in her mouth.

The wife left the ignition on in the Expedition Monday night and it absolutely killed the battery. So I bought her a battery for Valentines day. Maybe that is why I am not getting laid. She baked me a cake for Valentines day and I bought her a car battery. Damn I am a romantic devil.

Took Lolo to the pediatric urologist yesterday. They did an ultrasound on her kidneys and bladder and found everything to be anatomically fine with those organs. We have scheduled her for a VCUG (catheter, fill bladder with die that shows on X-ray, lay still and try to urinate) which will be very difficult for all concerned.

Did I mention that I have not had sex in over two months? Maybe I can do more to get the wife "in the mood". I thought that I would have gotten some when we went away two weekends ago and stayed at our mountain house. Maybe Spanish Fly will help. Maybe Russell Crowe can help. I bet she would get in the mood if he was there for the taking. Russell, give me a call dude. I have a mission for you.