12/31/2007

Party Till I Bleed

After the insane xmas festivities I tried to get some work done during the day only to be called home to the wife who could not move. She was standing by Atticus' bed with tears in her eyes. She had excruciating pain shooting through her back and could not move. Apparently she had bent over to retrieve our 18 month old son's bottle from his crib (he can't go to sleep in his crib without a bottle). We took her to the emergency room and the doctor quickly diagnosed the problem as muscular not a slipped or herniated disc.

The doctor gave the wife some oxycodone and a prescrip for the same and a prescrip for muscle relaxers. We came home and the wife just had to take it easy so I did a lot of taking care of the kids and my parents and her parents helped out as well.

The wife went to her family doctor today and got his opinion- no reason for an MRI- the problem is most likely muscular and if she did have an MRI and they found something they would not do anyting anyway.

Thanks to the wife's still healing back our night consisted of putting the twins to bed (Lolo is at the in-laws) getting take out Mexican food and watching some TV. The wife has gone to bed and I will stay up to watch the arrival of the new year. We had planned to go out and ring in the new year with several other married couples but that will have to wait until next year.

12/26/2007

One Messed Up Xmas Eve- Thanks Ina Garten

So the night before last we took the family to my parent's house for food and the opening presents tradition. The wife had been watching Barefoot Contessa on Food TV and saw a recipe for Pomegranate Cosmopolitains and decided to mix up a batch for the holidays.

The recipe only called for 4 cups of vodka, 1 cup of Cointreau, one cup of pomegranate juice and some lime juice. Drinking one of these is pretty much like shooting an entire glass of vodka. So when we arrived at the parental units house and served the cosmopolitains everyone of legal drinking age sipped on them slowly except for my 77 year old father who rarely drinks more than one beer in a month. He slurped down two pretty quickly and became very jolly and loud.

We were running out of pomegranate cosmos so since I had not consumed any I drove back to my house to gather more of the ingredients to make the rocket fuel. When I got back it was time to eat.

During the sloth-fest of dead cow flesh the patriarch downed another cosmom. So my brother and I had to help the old man get up from his chair and walk the fifteen feet to his recliner. Where he asked for another drink and was granted his wish.

We then preceeded to open presents with a 4 year old, 2 year old, two 19 month olds and an 8 month old screaming and ripping paper to shreds. It was an orgy of gift receiving activity. The discarded shreds of paper were thrown into the fireplace. By this time the old man was asleep in the chair (which is pretty normal for him) and completely oblivious to the ear splitting screams and cries.

After about 30 minutes of this the wife had to go to the truck to get a sucker for a screaming child claiming unfairness in receiving. A car pulls up screeching its tires a man hops our and screams that the chimney is on fire. The wife runs in and repeats the exciting news to me. I scramble to grab a ladder and a hose to check out the fire. Fortuntatly it was a very minor fire and it had completely extinguished itself by the time I got to the chimney.

So back in the house we all went well for about 3 minutes when the old man stood up and immediately collapsed hitting the corner of the brick hearth. I immediately shook him yelling "DAD". He was non responsive so with the knowledge of his past cardiac health I immediately thought he had a heart attack. fortunately my brother kept a cool head (EMT trained) and checked his breathing an pulse. Mother had already called 911. My brother quickly ascertained that he was berating and had a strong pulse and it became obviouis just how trashed the old man was. He simply blacked out when he stood up because he was wasted. He passed out!

After the EMT crew arrived and did their job they helped us get the drunken old man up to his bed. Fortunately he was able to communicate and help walk some.

In short, it was a lot of fun with the family and the drink but it scared the shit out of me. I thought I had lost my father.

12/04/2007

Spawn of Satan or Docile Toddler?



Destruction, havoc and chaos come in such small packages.

Over the past two days Atticus has broken the wife's favorite Christopher Radko christmas ornament, one of Lolo's ornaments (a pink ball with white fuzz), he did a repeat of the cell phone dunking incident with the cordless phone in the toilet. The he proceeded to stuff his mouth so full of goldfish that he couldn't breathe and choked immediately followed by voluminous vomiting on the carpet. He has unscrewed the filter from my camera lens and put it somewhere.

Superwife is really disappointed because she is not going to be able to have the kind of Christmas she wants because of him. We can't put any ornaments on the tree or any decorations within his reach. He has learned how to scoot the stool up to the counter tops anywhere in the kitchen and have his way with anything on the counter like meat cleavers, glass shards, chainsaws, etc.

His favorite past time is to play in the sink. Today he figured out that he can actually get in the sink and turn on the water.

His damn pacifier cord stinks so damn bad because of it is constantly soaked with drool and saliva and it mildews and molds and makes me want to puke.

12/02/2007

Spirituality Found

I have finally found my spiritual calling. I no longer have to fear death.