This is beer?

I am drinking a Michelob Ultra and really can't believe this shit is considered a beer.  It is a lot like the rest of the standard American beers which are the equivalent of sex in a canoe- fucking close to water.  I can't even imagine trying the ultralite MGD 64 and Budweiser Select 55.  I guess if you really want to get drunk while drinking water, these beers will perfectly fit the bill.