The shit my 5 year old daughter says

Today my 7 year old daughter walked by in close proximity to my 5 year old daugher as she was going up the stiars.  My 5 year old daughter said "Hey sister!  You smell like vagina."  It was all I could do to contain my laughter.

If Life Was Fair Part 8

If life was fair I wouldn't let so much time elapse before I filter through all my emails.  I haven't done it in about a month and it has taken over 6 hours to categorize and delete the emails.

If Life Was Fair Part 7

If life was fair I would still have enough energy to have the same level of drive towards both my family and my job- lately it has been an unequal balance in favor of the family.  I guess if I don't straighten this shit out it will require even more drive for my family because we will be poor quickly if the business goes in the shitter.

If Life Was Fair Part 6

If life was fair someone would have invented a toilet seat that would automatically put itself down when it sensed a woman nearby.

If Life Was Fair Part 5

If life was fair I would stop wishing for eternal youth and be 21 again with my current level of immaturity and a less passive personality.

If Life Was Fair Part 4

If life was fair I would still be 23 years old.

If Life Was Fair Part 3

If life was fair my three children would pick up after themselves and I wouldn't have a house that bears an uncanny resemblance to a landfill after being detonated by a 3 meagton bomb.

If Life Was Fair Part 2

If life was fair women wouldn't mind if their husbands had several girlfriends and vice versa.

Sharting

So I am in this foreign country eating some foreign food.  I have been here a lot and eaten this food a lot.  For some reason what I ate last night did not do me right.  I had delicious lobster creps, carpaccio, and arrabiata with fettucini and two excellent dark German weiss beers.  Today my stomach has felt queasy and all I ate was some watermelon and a salad.

Tonight on my way home I sharted.  Ran down my leg and everything.  Quite nasty.  Luckily is was mostly liquid and not enough volume to be noticable to anyone but me.

If life was fair....

I am going to start a series of posts that expresses the dreamworld of life...that utopia that we all dream about... that unachievable... that dream that will never happen.

If life were fair I would be good looking enough for my wife to want to have sex with every night...

Robin Meade

Robin Meade is fucking hot but I wouldn't notice because I am married.

 

Katy Perry

Katy Perry has some nice lungs.

Getting Lucky

The last time I scored was when the wife got completely trashed on December 28 drinking moonshine with the sister-in-law.  She came to bed at 4:00 AM when she normally goes to sleep at 9:00 PM.  She had been smoking cigarettes.  So now it looks like I only get lucky when the alcohol has dulled the thoughts.  Welcome to marriage.