The Twin Trials Continue

Atticus pulled himself up from a crawling position to a standing position about two days ago. He is crawling all over the place. He can go up the two stairs from the family room to the kitchen. Now it is almost impossible to put a diaper on him. He absolutely will not stay on his back. He starts getting really pissed off when I put on on his back to change his diaper and rolls over on his side and grabs the edge of the changing table and tries to flip himself on his stomach. I repeatedly pick him up from his stomach and put him back on his back. It takes about seven or eight repeats of me putting him back on his back before I can get a diaper back on is twisting ass.

Adrienne used to sleep well. Once upon a time (up to about a month ago) I could just put Adrienne down in the crib without having to rock her to sleep. As long as she had her thumb in her pie-hole she was good to go for a night's sleep. Now it takes the same routine as with Atticus- rocking and rocking and rocking and waiting for her to go to sleep before putting her down in the crib.

Of course Atticus is still on the same routine- bottle, rock for at least 20 minutes, then put him in the crib, pacifier in mouth and he is good for sleep for at most two hours. When he gets up he then sleeps where I am supposed to... next to my wife. This method allows my wife to actually get some sleep.

During the move from the old house to the new one, I had to skip town to try to save one of our largest accounts. The wife pretty much handled the move all by her self with help from my sister who I flew in to help from Indianapolis. Thank Mercury for her! Well both of the twins got viral infections while I was out of town and in the middle of moving all of our shit from one house to another. Needless to say the wife got pretty much no sleep when I was gone.

At least now we are both sleeping.

But the new house is a disaster area. Boxes are strewn everywhere. When we need something we have no clue with what damn box to begin our search. Now that pagan holiday has arrived where everyone goes apeshit and that has piled more on us to do.

Adrienne has had nasal congestion since she was born. I cannot recall more than one day in a row when she had a clear sounding breathing pattern. It always sounds like her sinuses are full of nasty mucous. The family doctor suspected allergies so the wife took Adrienne to an allergy doctor who ran a test that told us Adrienne has a dust mite allergy. This is just freaking great.

A little about dust mites:
They are everywhere.
They eat your dead skin.
They infest your bedding and carpet.
They thrive in warm high-humidity environments (like your mattress)
They absorb water out of the air.
They regularly eat their own excrement if there isn't enough food around (kind of sounds like my offspring)
If you walk over carpet you are stirring up millions of particles of dust mite shit that stay aloft in the air for up to twenty minutes. Perfect for those unfortunate people who are allergic to dust mite shit.



So we had been running a humidifier in the twins carpeted room since they were born. Looks like we are going to have to get rid of all that damn carpet. I guess the wife is going to have to start hooking so we can get the cash we need to keep our kids healthy. I would be happy to make the sacrifice of selling my body but I would enjoy it too much.

Sleep when I'm Dead

[Whine mode on]

It has been a while since I last updated this sorry-assed blog. I think it has something to do with moving all our shit from one house to another, me traveling out of the country once again, taking care of two sick 6 month hold babies and trying to get rid of two of my seven mortgages.

So we have this big assed house for which we traded our future financial security. I have this pissed off customer who required an emergency trip out of the country right in the middle of trying to get moved from our hold house to the new one. I have these two 6 month old babies who both have viral infections and cannot sleep for more than two hours at a time. I have this almost-three-year-old daughter who is pissed off that she can't go sleep in "her" house. And lastly but certainly not leastly I have this overstressed, overworked, delerious from lack of sleep wife who somehow still manages to keep it all together. She also managed to pack all of our shit up in boxes and arranged the movers to get all of our shit moved while I was away on the ass-kissing business trip.

Turns out Atticus has an ear infection on top of his viral infection and Adrienne has a dust mite allergy (our new house has carpet.. er I mean a dust mite orgy motel.. in all the bedrooms). I knew twins were going to be tough but HOLY SHIT I never thought it would be this difficult. What doesn't make you totally insane will make you stronger. But I think I am on the fringe of One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.

[Whine mode off]

Well at least I have started to lose my certification of professional abstainer. Is there a full moon out?