The twins were pulled into this world, both by their feet on 5/25/06.
They are: Adrienne Christine - 7:30 am - 7 lb 1 oz (L) and Atticus Arthur - 7:31 am - 7 lb 2 oz (R)
Both are big and healthy and already nursing regularly. I am nodding off to sleep as I type this.
5/26/2006
5/23/2006
When it rains....
Let me summarize the physical conditions of the members of my immediate family:
Daughter - cough, congestion, ear infection, diarrhea.
Wife - cough, congestion, conjunctivitus (both eyes), feet swollen, ankles swollen, face swollen, back hurts, abdomen hurts, pissed off that the twins are not born yet.
The Fid - sinus infection, cough from hell that never ends and enough snot to foam a runway for a crash landing.
Now if we can all get healthy in one day before the twins arrive.
Jupiter help us!!
Daughter - cough, congestion, ear infection, diarrhea.
Wife - cough, congestion, conjunctivitus (both eyes), feet swollen, ankles swollen, face swollen, back hurts, abdomen hurts, pissed off that the twins are not born yet.
The Fid - sinus infection, cough from hell that never ends and enough snot to foam a runway for a crash landing.
Now if we can all get healthy in one day before the twins arrive.
Jupiter help us!!
5/21/2006
Lo, the time is drawing near.
Only four full days until the twins are not gently removed from the wife's uterus through a below-the-bikini-line incision. Thank Dionysus I am not a woman! These pregnancy hormones are getting pretty wild- the thermostat is set on 60 and I am not going to be able to afford reconstructive surgury for my frostbitten extremities.
The daughter actually asked to go to bed tonight at 7:30 pm (as opposed to being forced complete with whining and kicking and screaming) . There must be some sort of interstellar phenomenon like all the planets lined up or maybe 69 supernovae simultaneously exploded.
One sign of normalcy for the daughter was her instance of removing her socks and shoes to check for toe jam- "Daddy, see toes... toe jam" and requesting to "see poopie" while I was changing her second soiled diaper of the day.
The daughter actually asked to go to bed tonight at 7:30 pm (as opposed to being forced complete with whining and kicking and screaming) . There must be some sort of interstellar phenomenon like all the planets lined up or maybe 69 supernovae simultaneously exploded.
One sign of normalcy for the daughter was her instance of removing her socks and shoes to check for toe jam- "Daddy, see toes... toe jam" and requesting to "see poopie" while I was changing her second soiled diaper of the day.
5/15/2006
The house of phlegm
The daughter came down with an ear infection then a full blown cold and graciously passed the cold to me.
The wife has 10 days left till the twins arrive and the last thing she needs is to be sick. I need to be better by the time the screamers join us.
It looks like I will be borrowing about $1.5 million to finance the partial buyout of the company I am running. That is pretty fucking scary.
If you need any mucus or snot, I've got plenty.
The wife has 10 days left till the twins arrive and the last thing she needs is to be sick. I need to be better by the time the screamers join us.
It looks like I will be borrowing about $1.5 million to finance the partial buyout of the company I am running. That is pretty fucking scary.
If you need any mucus or snot, I've got plenty.
5/14/2006
Knowledge sponge
I was reading a book to Lolo last night. It is an elmo book that has a page with the letters of the alphabet. Each letter is on a block and each block has a fold down flap that reveals something that starts with the letter on the block. I always sing the alphabet to her when I get to this page. I realized that she knows the entire alphabet- at least she can sing it. She can't recognize all the letters yet but she can tell me Z, L, O, and X are when I point to them and ask what letters they are.
Obviously she is brilliant and far advanced just like her dad.
Lolo is at the in-laws today. She wound up at the doctor yesterday with her first earache. The doctor threw her on amoxocillan. She was screaming incessantly for a while yesterday and it caused the 8 month pregnant wife to come undone.
The wife is suffering- swollen ankles and feet and generally feeling like shit- she is ready to get those two babies out of her. She will have to wait until the 25th.
What I got done today:
1. Took Lolo to meet her grandparents
2. Purchased birthday present for a 3 year old kid whose birthday party we are attending tomorrow.
3. Purchased ink for the inkjet printer.
4. Purchased card and gift certificate for massage, manicure and pedicure for the wife for Mother's day
5. Purchased 2 hanging baskets for my mother and the mother-in-law for mother's day.
6. Took plastic and glass recycling to the recycling center
7. Carried all the groceries upstairs from the garage
8. Planted 11 Hosta plants along the walkway in the back yard.
9. Scrubbed the hot-tub cover.
10. Dug a trench to lay new drain pipe for gutter drains.
11. Cleaned out the pond and the fountain pump.
12. Replaced the walkway lights.
13. Watched the new King-Kong movie- disappointing- only good thing about the movie is the special effects.
Damn I'm tired.
Obviously she is brilliant and far advanced just like her dad.
Lolo is at the in-laws today. She wound up at the doctor yesterday with her first earache. The doctor threw her on amoxocillan. She was screaming incessantly for a while yesterday and it caused the 8 month pregnant wife to come undone.
The wife is suffering- swollen ankles and feet and generally feeling like shit- she is ready to get those two babies out of her. She will have to wait until the 25th.
What I got done today:
1. Took Lolo to meet her grandparents
2. Purchased birthday present for a 3 year old kid whose birthday party we are attending tomorrow.
3. Purchased ink for the inkjet printer.
4. Purchased card and gift certificate for massage, manicure and pedicure for the wife for Mother's day
5. Purchased 2 hanging baskets for my mother and the mother-in-law for mother's day.
6. Took plastic and glass recycling to the recycling center
7. Carried all the groceries upstairs from the garage
8. Planted 11 Hosta plants along the walkway in the back yard.
9. Scrubbed the hot-tub cover.
10. Dug a trench to lay new drain pipe for gutter drains.
11. Cleaned out the pond and the fountain pump.
12. Replaced the walkway lights.
13. Watched the new King-Kong movie- disappointing- only good thing about the movie is the special effects.
Damn I'm tired.
5/11/2006
Public displays of Potty Mouth
Today the wife took Lolo with her to the local medical supply company to rent the breast pump that will releave her swollen breasts of vast amounts of mommy milk over the next six to nine months.
Store attendant to Lolo:
"What a pretty girl you are! What is your name?"
Lolo:
"Wundone Fidwer"
Store attendant:
"That's a pretty name."
Lolo:
"My poopie is GREEEEEEEEEEEN"
The wife withered in embarrasment.
So is $1300 to much to spend on a swingset? I think it is but I will be giving in to the wife and laying out the bucks. I wonder if I would have any success in moonlighting as a gigilo?
14 Days to go until twin time!!!
Store attendant to Lolo:
"What a pretty girl you are! What is your name?"
Lolo:
"Wundone Fidwer"
Store attendant:
"That's a pretty name."
Lolo:
"My poopie is GREEEEEEEEEEEN"
The wife withered in embarrasment.
So is $1300 to much to spend on a swingset? I think it is but I will be giving in to the wife and laying out the bucks. I wonder if I would have any success in moonlighting as a gigilo?
14 Days to go until twin time!!!
4/26/2006
All Play and no Work Makes the Fid a poor boy
You see, it has seemed like all work- and when it seems that way it means that you don't enjoy what you are doing enough.
I can change that though. I am trying to hire a Controller to take away the financial compilation functions of my job.
Also I am in the process of getting proforma statements put together to take to the bank in order to investigate the potential of obtaining a loan in order to buy out the other owners of the business I am running. Exciting to me but urine fodder to everyone else.
The countdown is on- only 29 more days until the screaming duo arrives to take away my sleep and what is left of my sanity - but I wouldn't have it any other way
I can change that though. I am trying to hire a Controller to take away the financial compilation functions of my job.
Also I am in the process of getting proforma statements put together to take to the bank in order to investigate the potential of obtaining a loan in order to buy out the other owners of the business I am running. Exciting to me but urine fodder to everyone else.
The countdown is on- only 29 more days until the screaming duo arrives to take away my sleep and what is left of my sanity - but I wouldn't have it any other way
4/23/2006
The Bachelor Party without the Bachelor
I just got back from a bachelor party for my buddy Jim whose fiance would not let him go. I still can't understand this. We are not the kind of guys that will go out and actually have sex with prostitutes and everyone who knows us and knows Jim realizes this. The only thing we would do is make him drink too much, take him to a strip club, pay girls ridiculouss amounts of money to wag their breastss in his face and go home and pass out. So what the fuck is she so worried about? Relationships without trust are doomed.
So since most of us already had hall passes from our wives, we proceeded with the bachelor party without Jim and had a fucking blast. We bought a blow-up doll and dressed it as Jim and took it with us everywhere.
Here we are with Jim before going out for the evening
Here is Jim charming the Hooters girls.
So we had a blast with Jim even though he wasn't there.
Let me go on about this marriage for my buddy. He is 38, works retail (not a lot of money), slightly overweight, and kind of unsure of himself when it comes to women. So when his fiance came along he figured he better strike while the iron is hot. She has no job and has moved in with Jim. He is paying her car payment ($400 per month) and her medical insurance ($300 per month) plus his mortgage, the groceries for both of them, etc. etc.
She is 30 and ready to have children. Jim is on shaky grounds at his job and thinks he might be fired. Jim is heading into a lot of shit when she gets pregnant and if he loses his job.
The positives??? She has helped him out by getting him to stop smoking and to drink much less. Granted she has been a positive influence on him in that manner but he just isn't being himself or being honest to himself.
Nothing I can do but sit back and watch him make what I consider to be a mistake. I just want him to be happy and I have my doubts that he can be happy with this woman because I have known him since third grade and I know who he is and what kind of person he is.
Good luck Jim- we miss you.
So since most of us already had hall passes from our wives, we proceeded with the bachelor party without Jim and had a fucking blast. We bought a blow-up doll and dressed it as Jim and took it with us everywhere.
Here we are with Jim before going out for the evening
Here is Jim charming the Hooters girls.
So we had a blast with Jim even though he wasn't there.
Let me go on about this marriage for my buddy. He is 38, works retail (not a lot of money), slightly overweight, and kind of unsure of himself when it comes to women. So when his fiance came along he figured he better strike while the iron is hot. She has no job and has moved in with Jim. He is paying her car payment ($400 per month) and her medical insurance ($300 per month) plus his mortgage, the groceries for both of them, etc. etc.
She is 30 and ready to have children. Jim is on shaky grounds at his job and thinks he might be fired. Jim is heading into a lot of shit when she gets pregnant and if he loses his job.
The positives??? She has helped him out by getting him to stop smoking and to drink much less. Granted she has been a positive influence on him in that manner but he just isn't being himself or being honest to himself.
Nothing I can do but sit back and watch him make what I consider to be a mistake. I just want him to be happy and I have my doubts that he can be happy with this woman because I have known him since third grade and I know who he is and what kind of person he is.
Good luck Jim- we miss you.
4/18/2006
Another Day in the life of a Premenopausal two year old
Like most days I worked until about 6:30 and made it home around 7:00. From 7:00 to about 8:30 this is how I spend my time:
Lolo greets met at top of stairs and then runs away from me screaming "catch me" . I follow and run her up and down the hall for about 10 minutes
Lolo stops to watch the Max and Ruby DVD that mommy bought for her
Lolo refuses to stop watching Max and Ruby DVD for dinnertime.
Lolo kicks, screams and cries when I try to put her in her high chair.
Lolo gets her way and sits on my lap insists on feeding me rice using a fork and the majority of my food ends up on the floor.
Lolo spills ice cream all over her Vail tshirt that I painstakingly picked out in Vail last year.
Lolo says "no wash hair tonight" after being told that it was bath time.
While I am drawing a bath, Lolo runs underneath Mommy's big belly and hides from me.
Lolo cries when I force her to let me wet, wash and rinse her hair.
Lolo stands up in bathtub and urinates.
Lolo insists on holding scorching hot hair dryer and brush while I am trying to dry her hair.
Lolo refuses to brush her teeth and runs out of the bathroom naked, stops in the middle of the carpeted hall and empties the rest of her bladder.
Lolo kicks and screams when I pick her up to clean her again and install a diaper.
Lolo flails feet trying to kick me when I attempt to apply athlete's foot medication and install shitbag.
Lolo refuses to let me read a bedtime story to her by telling me "No, Daddy read by self."
Lolo picks up her mug with apple juice/allergy medicine mixture and takes two sips before pouring the remainder on the carpet at her feet.
Lolo cries for mommy and wants me to take her to mommy so she can "Hug Kiss" good night.
Lolo sees Hello Kitty band aids laying on dresser and begins hyper-decibel onslaught of screams for "boo-boos" as she calls them.
I give her two "boo-boos" and she calms enough for me to put her in crib.
As I tell her good-night and turn out light Lolo requests "Daddy, juice"
I get her a few more sips of juice with her favorite worm-bendy straw and she drinks them down with the speed of a sloth chewing peanut butter.
As I once again try to exit the room she says "Daddy, take away straw"
As I am closing the door she tries her last stall tactic muttering something about daddy helping with her boo-boos and I ignore her and close the door.
Silence.... and she is still asleep at 10:00!!!!
On top of all of this we think she is getting the chicken pox.
But how can I be mad at this mug!!
Lolo greets met at top of stairs and then runs away from me screaming "catch me" . I follow and run her up and down the hall for about 10 minutes
Lolo stops to watch the Max and Ruby DVD that mommy bought for her
Lolo refuses to stop watching Max and Ruby DVD for dinnertime.
Lolo kicks, screams and cries when I try to put her in her high chair.
Lolo gets her way and sits on my lap insists on feeding me rice using a fork and the majority of my food ends up on the floor.
Lolo spills ice cream all over her Vail tshirt that I painstakingly picked out in Vail last year.
Lolo says "no wash hair tonight" after being told that it was bath time.
While I am drawing a bath, Lolo runs underneath Mommy's big belly and hides from me.
Lolo cries when I force her to let me wet, wash and rinse her hair.
Lolo stands up in bathtub and urinates.
Lolo insists on holding scorching hot hair dryer and brush while I am trying to dry her hair.
Lolo refuses to brush her teeth and runs out of the bathroom naked, stops in the middle of the carpeted hall and empties the rest of her bladder.
Lolo kicks and screams when I pick her up to clean her again and install a diaper.
Lolo flails feet trying to kick me when I attempt to apply athlete's foot medication and install shitbag.
Lolo refuses to let me read a bedtime story to her by telling me "No, Daddy read by self."
Lolo picks up her mug with apple juice/allergy medicine mixture and takes two sips before pouring the remainder on the carpet at her feet.
Lolo cries for mommy and wants me to take her to mommy so she can "Hug Kiss" good night.
Lolo sees Hello Kitty band aids laying on dresser and begins hyper-decibel onslaught of screams for "boo-boos" as she calls them.
I give her two "boo-boos" and she calms enough for me to put her in crib.
As I tell her good-night and turn out light Lolo requests "Daddy, juice"
I get her a few more sips of juice with her favorite worm-bendy straw and she drinks them down with the speed of a sloth chewing peanut butter.
As I once again try to exit the room she says "Daddy, take away straw"
As I am closing the door she tries her last stall tactic muttering something about daddy helping with her boo-boos and I ignore her and close the door.
Silence.... and she is still asleep at 10:00!!!!
On top of all of this we think she is getting the chicken pox.
But how can I be mad at this mug!!
4/17/2006
Keep telling yourself- "It is worth the torture"
Seven (that is seven for those of you counting at home) months of no sex from the wife (due to a tenuous twins pregnancy). Thank Venus (another one of my gods) my hands aren't broken and as so I won't have to find out if death is an outcome of sperm buildup.
No more pregnancies for me- after this one it won't be worth the sexual void.
No more pregnancies for me- after this one it won't be worth the sexual void.
4/16/2006
Sugar in the Bed Makes LoLo a Sweet Girl
Up to this point I have feigned opportunities to mention my loved one's by name lest someone out there recognizes me and secretly plots to destroy my family. But we can now call the daughter Lolo.
Lolo refused to take a nap today upon arriving home after a round of tortuous car-shopping. Thus she was really tired a cranky. After smearing spaghetti all over her entire body during spaghetti rasslin (a.k.a dinner) I gave Lolo a bath in order for the amusement of turning the bathwater a slight tinge of red (Jesus ain't the only one who can change the color of water).
So bedtime finds Lolo really tired and if you don't know how much fun two year olds are when they are really tired please switch lives with me. Pretty please. Lolo refused to sit on my lap for her bedtime story and spied a bag with hearts all over it on top of her dresser. I had no clue what was in the bag but she sure did. After tantrum #37 I pulled the bag down and gave it to the violent flurry of limbs flailing and pounding the carpet at my feet.
Alas in the bag was a tootsie-pop or kiddie cocaine as I like to call it. She cradled the unopened tootsie pop in her arms like a gallon jug of nitroglycerine and looked at me with those piercing teary eyes and said "Daddy, don't take away. Please Daddy don't take away." Little miss manipulation continued her pleas over and over again until I relented and put her in the crib with the unopened tootsie pop. I figured the worst that could happen is that she choke in her sleep on it. So being the caring dad I am I left her with the tootsie pop and promised myself to check on her ever 3 minutes and shuffled out of the room with Lolo saying "Nite nite Daddy."
After about 10 minutes I went back into the room and approached the crib slowly. When I got to the crib she threw up her hand wielding the almost whole tootsie pop like a victory torch and said "Daddy, take away." Apparently she had her fill of sugar for the minute. As I took it out of her hands she said "hands sticky, daddy. Lolo lick not bite sucker, Lolo lick not bite daddy." Her mother has taught her well that a tootsie roll can last more than two licks.
And so was my manipulation for the day.
Lolo refused to take a nap today upon arriving home after a round of tortuous car-shopping. Thus she was really tired a cranky. After smearing spaghetti all over her entire body during spaghetti rasslin (a.k.a dinner) I gave Lolo a bath in order for the amusement of turning the bathwater a slight tinge of red (Jesus ain't the only one who can change the color of water).
So bedtime finds Lolo really tired and if you don't know how much fun two year olds are when they are really tired please switch lives with me. Pretty please. Lolo refused to sit on my lap for her bedtime story and spied a bag with hearts all over it on top of her dresser. I had no clue what was in the bag but she sure did. After tantrum #37 I pulled the bag down and gave it to the violent flurry of limbs flailing and pounding the carpet at my feet.
Alas in the bag was a tootsie-pop or kiddie cocaine as I like to call it. She cradled the unopened tootsie pop in her arms like a gallon jug of nitroglycerine and looked at me with those piercing teary eyes and said "Daddy, don't take away. Please Daddy don't take away." Little miss manipulation continued her pleas over and over again until I relented and put her in the crib with the unopened tootsie pop. I figured the worst that could happen is that she choke in her sleep on it. So being the caring dad I am I left her with the tootsie pop and promised myself to check on her ever 3 minutes and shuffled out of the room with Lolo saying "Nite nite Daddy."
After about 10 minutes I went back into the room and approached the crib slowly. When I got to the crib she threw up her hand wielding the almost whole tootsie pop like a victory torch and said "Daddy, take away." Apparently she had her fill of sugar for the minute. As I took it out of her hands she said "hands sticky, daddy. Lolo lick not bite sucker, Lolo lick not bite daddy." Her mother has taught her well that a tootsie roll can last more than two licks.
And so was my manipulation for the day.
4/14/2006
Foot Fetish Female vs. Poopie
The daughter still has a thing for toe cheese- so much so that she now has athlete's foot. We had to get a prescription antifungal medication to get this problem under control. I really don't want to know where she puts those feet. She also still has her see poopie fetish as well along with a new hobby of killing ants.
Finally got the financials completely straightened out and things look really good for this fiscal year (ends Aug 31) I am going to need this excellent performance and the resulting bonus because the wife is looking at new houses. I guess a 1700 sqft house is not big enough for a family of five.
So we are proceeding with this bachelor party for my testicleless friend without him. We are heading to the beach for my second bachelor party in two weeks. I think I better leave my wallet at home.
Finally got the financials completely straightened out and things look really good for this fiscal year (ends Aug 31) I am going to need this excellent performance and the resulting bonus because the wife is looking at new houses. I guess a 1700 sqft house is not big enough for a family of five.
So we are proceeding with this bachelor party for my testicleless friend without him. We are heading to the beach for my second bachelor party in two weeks. I think I better leave my wallet at home.
4/10/2006
The Fid's Words of Wisdom
When in a titty bar never, ever let a stripper see you use the camera function of a camera cell phone.
3/29/2006
Daddy Get your ass HOME!
Just got back in town from business trip to Ohio tonight. Had a blast in Columbus and got some business flowing, but don't kid myself- no one really cares about that shit. Hung out in the Char Bar last night for about 4 hours just shooting the shit and drinking Guiness on Draught in a vain attempt to put heart my back into arrhythmia. Columbus is a cool city- enjoyed my time there and am ready to go back any time. If you go- visit the Char-Bar- hole in the wall but a blast.
It was good to get home to see the extremely pregnant wife who found out today that she does not have gestational diabetes- thank Jupiter (one of my gods). Nevertheless, the doctor suspects that the birth will happen well before the scheduled May 25 c-section.
One of my best friends is getting married June 10 at the ripe young age of 38. Got engaged about two weeks ago. This is the kind of guy that has always been a partier, easy going, laid back, slow moving, not-much-bothers me kind of guy. Now he has done a 360. I like his fiance but she is wayyy too controlling for him and I am concerned about his future.
This is the same guy that got so wasted that he forgot which bedroom was his in our condo and crawled into bed with my buddy's topless sleeping wife while we were still up late night partying in another condo. Both of them had no idea the other was there until my friend came to me and said "who the fuck is in bed with my wife?" I pulled back the covers to reveal the bare fat ass of my friend. Needless to say, that didn't go over very well.
This is the same guy who got so wasted at my wedding that he locked himself out of his own townhouse, use a ladder to crawl in his bedroom's second story window, fall on the floor and make enough noise to wake up the neighbors who looked outside and saw the ladder against the wall and called the cops to report a robbery in progress. Then this drunk moron pulls off all his clothes and passes out on his bed.
The three police who responded (including two female officers) found the wasted blubberboy passed out on the bed and had to get the neighbor to positively identify him as not an intruder but the actual homeowner.
Wasted boy woke up in the morning sprawled out on his bed with a cop's business card on his bear chest as the only clue to circumstances out-of-the-ordinary.
Okay, so this guy is now so freaking whipped that he is majorly worried that his fiance will totally freak out that I am going to throw him a bachelor party.
The daughter is starting to talk on the phone now- I guess it is easier than learning to poop in the potty. She wants to call gam-ma and mimi and pop pop and paw paw (monther, mother-in-law, father, father-in-law, respectively). Damn I miss her when I am out of town.
It was good to get home to see the extremely pregnant wife who found out today that she does not have gestational diabetes- thank Jupiter (one of my gods). Nevertheless, the doctor suspects that the birth will happen well before the scheduled May 25 c-section.
One of my best friends is getting married June 10 at the ripe young age of 38. Got engaged about two weeks ago. This is the kind of guy that has always been a partier, easy going, laid back, slow moving, not-much-bothers me kind of guy. Now he has done a 360. I like his fiance but she is wayyy too controlling for him and I am concerned about his future.
This is the same guy that got so wasted that he forgot which bedroom was his in our condo and crawled into bed with my buddy's topless sleeping wife while we were still up late night partying in another condo. Both of them had no idea the other was there until my friend came to me and said "who the fuck is in bed with my wife?" I pulled back the covers to reveal the bare fat ass of my friend. Needless to say, that didn't go over very well.
This is the same guy who got so wasted at my wedding that he locked himself out of his own townhouse, use a ladder to crawl in his bedroom's second story window, fall on the floor and make enough noise to wake up the neighbors who looked outside and saw the ladder against the wall and called the cops to report a robbery in progress. Then this drunk moron pulls off all his clothes and passes out on his bed.
The three police who responded (including two female officers) found the wasted blubberboy passed out on the bed and had to get the neighbor to positively identify him as not an intruder but the actual homeowner.
Wasted boy woke up in the morning sprawled out on his bed with a cop's business card on his bear chest as the only clue to circumstances out-of-the-ordinary.
Okay, so this guy is now so freaking whipped that he is majorly worried that his fiance will totally freak out that I am going to throw him a bachelor party.
The daughter is starting to talk on the phone now- I guess it is easier than learning to poop in the potty. She wants to call gam-ma and mimi and pop pop and paw paw (monther, mother-in-law, father, father-in-law, respectively). Damn I miss her when I am out of town.
3/19/2006
Not Guilty as Charged
Yesterday I was changing the daughter's shitbag. She laid on her back and pulled her foot up to get a closer look between her toes. She is obsessed with looking between her toes. She looked up at me and said "Daddy like toe cheese."
She pissed in the potty again today after several months messing her diaper. Maybe she will be potty trained by May 25 when the twins are supposed to arrive but I am not holding my breath.
She pissed in the potty again today after several months messing her diaper. Maybe she will be potty trained by May 25 when the twins are supposed to arrive but I am not holding my breath.
3/12/2006
Kickstart my heart
So I had this irregular heartbeat thing called atrial fibrillation. With this condition there is a chance of blood clotting in the heart since the atria aren't pumping correctly (they are actually kind of quivering). In order to lessen the chance of blood clots the doctor put me on Lovenox injections which is a anticoagulant. Thank beezulbub they were subcutaneous.
Monday I went to the hospital where I normally go to get this corrected (Baptist Hospital in Winston-Salem) and they once again jabbed me with an IV- the first try the vein ran away from the poor nurse. The second try a doctor shot some lidocane in my arm- thank you, much better.
Then they just threw the Brevital to me and it was like I blinked my eyes and I was back in rhythm. I had no physical clue that they walloped me with thousands of volts to restart my heart besides two burns where the patches were attached. I really wouldn't want to be awake for that.
I feel so much better to be back in sinus rhythm. It is a good day to be alive.
Monday I went to the hospital where I normally go to get this corrected (Baptist Hospital in Winston-Salem) and they once again jabbed me with an IV- the first try the vein ran away from the poor nurse. The second try a doctor shot some lidocane in my arm- thank you, much better.
Then they just threw the Brevital to me and it was like I blinked my eyes and I was back in rhythm. I had no physical clue that they walloped me with thousands of volts to restart my heart besides two burns where the patches were attached. I really wouldn't want to be awake for that.
I feel so much better to be back in sinus rhythm. It is a good day to be alive.
3/04/2006
Mexico City Blues
Just got back from a business trip to Mexico City. We went to a trade show in Puebla which is east of Mexico City. We had planned to attend the trade show for two days but it sucked so one day was enough. I was trying to find new suppliers for our factory in Honduras but I was very disappointed at the availability of product that would meet our needs.
Thursday we went back to Mexico City and stayed in a hotel in the Zona Rosa or "Pink Zone" in English. The Zona Rosa is the shopping, dining and party district. We sat in a cafe and drank beers and worked on the laptops for about 3 hours. I mostly just did a lot of people watching.
Later that evening after sushi and 4 bottles of saki and too many beers in two different clubs we stumbled back to the hotel about 4:30 Friday morning. We actually made it to the airport on time and I drank two frozen coffee drinks to try to ameliorate my hangover.
Twenty minutes later I went into Atrial Fibrillation. I have had this irregular heartbeat condition off and on for the better part of 15 years. I had surgery last May that I though had corrected the problem since I had not had any recurring episodes since the surgery. I guess the combination of alcohol, caffeine, and very cold coffee was enough to re-trigger what I hoped was gone forever.
I am so fucking stupid because frozen coffee has put me into atrial fibrillation before. I thought the surgery had solved the problem. Nevertheless, I should be a lot more conservative in my behavior considering the seriousness of my condition.
So I am taking Propafenone to try to put me back in normal sinus rhythm. This drug was successful in converting my irregular heartbeat into normal rhythm several times before my surgery. I just hope like hell it works again.
The big problem is that if it doesn't put me back in normal sinus rhythm within 48 hours I then have to go on the anticoagulant coumadin for 6 weeks then have an electrocardioversion to shock my heart back into rhythm. I hate those electrocardioversions.
I have had at least seven electrocardioversions. Each time it takes more juice to put me back into rhythm and every time they fry my veins a little more from all the hellacious drugs they use to knock me out so I don't feel the jolts of electricity.
Despite all this shit it is good to be home and see the wife and daughter. I missed them both - the daughter was looking for me the whole time I was gone. The wife said that she was calling "Daddy where are you?" That breaks my heart! She kept telling her pre-school teacher that "Daddy on trip"
Thursday we went back to Mexico City and stayed in a hotel in the Zona Rosa or "Pink Zone" in English. The Zona Rosa is the shopping, dining and party district. We sat in a cafe and drank beers and worked on the laptops for about 3 hours. I mostly just did a lot of people watching.
Later that evening after sushi and 4 bottles of saki and too many beers in two different clubs we stumbled back to the hotel about 4:30 Friday morning. We actually made it to the airport on time and I drank two frozen coffee drinks to try to ameliorate my hangover.
Twenty minutes later I went into Atrial Fibrillation. I have had this irregular heartbeat condition off and on for the better part of 15 years. I had surgery last May that I though had corrected the problem since I had not had any recurring episodes since the surgery. I guess the combination of alcohol, caffeine, and very cold coffee was enough to re-trigger what I hoped was gone forever.
I am so fucking stupid because frozen coffee has put me into atrial fibrillation before. I thought the surgery had solved the problem. Nevertheless, I should be a lot more conservative in my behavior considering the seriousness of my condition.
So I am taking Propafenone to try to put me back in normal sinus rhythm. This drug was successful in converting my irregular heartbeat into normal rhythm several times before my surgery. I just hope like hell it works again.
The big problem is that if it doesn't put me back in normal sinus rhythm within 48 hours I then have to go on the anticoagulant coumadin for 6 weeks then have an electrocardioversion to shock my heart back into rhythm. I hate those electrocardioversions.
I have had at least seven electrocardioversions. Each time it takes more juice to put me back into rhythm and every time they fry my veins a little more from all the hellacious drugs they use to knock me out so I don't feel the jolts of electricity.
Despite all this shit it is good to be home and see the wife and daughter. I missed them both - the daughter was looking for me the whole time I was gone. The wife said that she was calling "Daddy where are you?" That breaks my heart! She kept telling her pre-school teacher that "Daddy on trip"
2/28/2006
Potty Training Pleasures - See Poopie
Now the daughter wants to see her poopie- we thought we had a start on the potty training but it seems that she prefers the diaper and asks to see it every time.
Daugter laying on her back, pantless, as I am wiping the brown smear off her crotch she insists "See Poopie Daddy. See poopie now!" Is this part of the anal phase that Freud theorized about?
Of course being two she now insists that "Daddy do tit" when a poopie diaper is to be changed. With the wife being 26 weeks pregant with two in the oven it is getting harder and harder for her to comfortably do things like change a shitty diaper and pick up a 35 lb two year old. It is a good thing that the daughter wants daddy to do it.
I'm in Puebla Mexico about two hours drive outside of Mexico City. Direct flight from Charlotte - about 3.5 hours- not too bad. The bus ride here was worse - 2 hours. Mexico City is freaking huge. I am here for a trade show to find new suppliers closer to our Honduran operation. With the passage of CAFTA we will be able to source raw materials elsewhere in Central America and use them in the manufacture of our finished products without having to pay duty to bring them back in to the United States. This could mean big savings for my company.
Damn I am tired. I need to get all the sleep I can get now because after the twins arrive (we are calling them Elvis and Priscilla since the wife doesn't want to tell anyone the names we have picked out) I won't be getting any sleep. Thank Jupiter (one of my gods) the wife has a good lead on a part time nanny. It doesn't matter that we will have to sell the house to afford a nanny, as long as I can get some help and sleep.
Daugter laying on her back, pantless, as I am wiping the brown smear off her crotch she insists "See Poopie Daddy. See poopie now!" Is this part of the anal phase that Freud theorized about?
Of course being two she now insists that "Daddy do tit" when a poopie diaper is to be changed. With the wife being 26 weeks pregant with two in the oven it is getting harder and harder for her to comfortably do things like change a shitty diaper and pick up a 35 lb two year old. It is a good thing that the daughter wants daddy to do it.
I'm in Puebla Mexico about two hours drive outside of Mexico City. Direct flight from Charlotte - about 3.5 hours- not too bad. The bus ride here was worse - 2 hours. Mexico City is freaking huge. I am here for a trade show to find new suppliers closer to our Honduran operation. With the passage of CAFTA we will be able to source raw materials elsewhere in Central America and use them in the manufacture of our finished products without having to pay duty to bring them back in to the United States. This could mean big savings for my company.
Damn I am tired. I need to get all the sleep I can get now because after the twins arrive (we are calling them Elvis and Priscilla since the wife doesn't want to tell anyone the names we have picked out) I won't be getting any sleep. Thank Jupiter (one of my gods) the wife has a good lead on a part time nanny. It doesn't matter that we will have to sell the house to afford a nanny, as long as I can get some help and sleep.
1/28/2006
Jesus loves me... but he can't stand you!!
The wife drug me to Babys R Us this morning to pick up the $37,000 worth of cribs, chest of drawers, hangers, mattresses, car seats, and night lights. I took the van from work to haul all of the shit and soaked joyous rapture of the store manager and me trying to fit all of it into the ass end of the van. Good thing the company has a one ton van.
Nice weather today in North Carolina- 60 degrees F with sun. So I threw on the nut-hugging homo pants and hit the bike with the insane triathlon geek friends 1 and 2. We only rode for 1.5 hours and did a 30 minute run afterwards but my p*%##y still hurts. These morons are training for a 1/2 Ironman (1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike ride, 13 mile run) and planning on doing Lake Placid Ironman in 2007 (1/2 Ironman x 2) and are of the opinion that I will be doing it with them. Queue laughter here...
I am a triathlete but I do sprint triathlons (1/2 mile swim, 12 to 18 mile bike, 5k run) and occasionally an international distance triathlon (sprint x 2) but the Ironmans are in a league of their own. I'm not saying that I can't do it. I have no doubt that I have the physical ability and somewhat the desire. I just can't do it without neglecting my job and most importantly my fambly. (that's right I said "fambly" That's how us folks in NC tawk).
But I felt much better getting some exercise after several weeks of slothing around, eating Hershey's Special Dark Chocolate, Cape Cod Potato Chips and drinking too much damn Zinfandel.
It seems the daughter has gotten into a bad habit. The wife and I had two sleepless nights this past week because the Daughter decided that sleeping on her own in her own room was utterly beneath her. So she put the vocal cords on 10 and made her pronouncement about midnight both nights. After repeated sessions of rocking and telling her it was time for "night night" the wife finally took her into the bed with her. I couldn't get back to sleep - two nights in a row. I might as well get used to that shit!
Potty training hasn't progressed either. She still is dumping behind the drapes in the wearable shitbag. Here I go again, complaining. I think I should rename this blog "The King of Whiny-ass Jackasses".
Despite all my complaining, I am ultimately satisfied with my position in life at the present. I am blessed with the love of my life (the daughter) who makes me laugh and smile every day. I have a very loyal and dedicated wife (non-booty-throwing for now, but dedicated), I have an awesome job- (the company is very profitable), and I don't have a hairy ass any more.
Speaking of my lack of SEX.
Triathlon geek friend #2 was talking about the church he and his wife started attending. The preacher is having a lecture series on couples needs - you know, "her needs" vs. "his needs." He suggested that I should attend with my wife on the "his needs" week to plant the seeds for the resolution to my shriveling schlong syndrome. Very kind of him to think of me in my time of need.
I might attend but I have another ass-waxing session with BoBo the love clown that Sunday and then I am going to eat a gallon of glass shards. Those things are much more spiritually satisfying than church. My agnosticism is my least endearing quality to my god fearin' southern fried wife. Cain't have it all!!!! Jesus love me.. but he cain't stand you!
Nice weather today in North Carolina- 60 degrees F with sun. So I threw on the nut-hugging homo pants and hit the bike with the insane triathlon geek friends 1 and 2. We only rode for 1.5 hours and did a 30 minute run afterwards but my p*%##y still hurts. These morons are training for a 1/2 Ironman (1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike ride, 13 mile run) and planning on doing Lake Placid Ironman in 2007 (1/2 Ironman x 2) and are of the opinion that I will be doing it with them. Queue laughter here...
I am a triathlete but I do sprint triathlons (1/2 mile swim, 12 to 18 mile bike, 5k run) and occasionally an international distance triathlon (sprint x 2) but the Ironmans are in a league of their own. I'm not saying that I can't do it. I have no doubt that I have the physical ability and somewhat the desire. I just can't do it without neglecting my job and most importantly my fambly. (that's right I said "fambly" That's how us folks in NC tawk).
But I felt much better getting some exercise after several weeks of slothing around, eating Hershey's Special Dark Chocolate, Cape Cod Potato Chips and drinking too much damn Zinfandel.
It seems the daughter has gotten into a bad habit. The wife and I had two sleepless nights this past week because the Daughter decided that sleeping on her own in her own room was utterly beneath her. So she put the vocal cords on 10 and made her pronouncement about midnight both nights. After repeated sessions of rocking and telling her it was time for "night night" the wife finally took her into the bed with her. I couldn't get back to sleep - two nights in a row. I might as well get used to that shit!
Potty training hasn't progressed either. She still is dumping behind the drapes in the wearable shitbag. Here I go again, complaining. I think I should rename this blog "The King of Whiny-ass Jackasses".
Despite all my complaining, I am ultimately satisfied with my position in life at the present. I am blessed with the love of my life (the daughter) who makes me laugh and smile every day. I have a very loyal and dedicated wife (non-booty-throwing for now, but dedicated), I have an awesome job- (the company is very profitable), and I don't have a hairy ass any more.
Speaking of my lack of SEX.
Triathlon geek friend #2 was talking about the church he and his wife started attending. The preacher is having a lecture series on couples needs - you know, "her needs" vs. "his needs." He suggested that I should attend with my wife on the "his needs" week to plant the seeds for the resolution to my shriveling schlong syndrome. Very kind of him to think of me in my time of need.
I might attend but I have another ass-waxing session with BoBo the love clown that Sunday and then I am going to eat a gallon of glass shards. Those things are much more spiritually satisfying than church. My agnosticism is my least endearing quality to my god fearin' southern fried wife. Cain't have it all!!!! Jesus love me.. but he cain't stand you!
1/22/2006
Happy Birthday Lolo - Death to the Mad Pisser
Today is the daughter's second birthday so we had family over and naturally gorged ourselves (also shortened our lives by a combined 100 years) on North Carolina Pork Barbeque. We were in redneck heaven, the only things lacking were an absence of missing teeth, confederate battle flags and 6 packs of Bud.
Lets talk birthday presents- the pile of useless shit grew exponentially in a matter of 20 minutes. Well it might not be useless to the daughter initially, but give it a couple of weeks and the 73 new toys will be added to the "I'm tired of that stupid toy" pile and I will build another addition to the house to save them.
One of the presents she got was three tent-like cubes big enough for her to stand in connected by two tunnels. She immediately jumped on what looked to her as a solid object. Well these things are just held up by flimsy aluminum poles and won't withstand a 5 mph breeze much less 30 pounds of bouncing flesh. The cube collapsed and she went down head first on the floor. She quickly arose with tears streaming and blood dripping from her mouth. She had cut her upper lip and was calmed by chewing on ice. Fortunately no broken teeth (so much for realizing the redneck dream early) but it was quite the traumatic occurrence for a two year old.
The daughter's birthday cake was a Hello Kitty cake (everything in our house is now Hello Kitty. I am thinking about a Hello Kitty tattoo on my forehead) with two big Hello Fucking Kitty candles. When the crowd sang happy birthday to her she got really shy and buried her head in mommy's shoulder. My mother said I did the same thing. After the candles were blown out the daughter ate about four handfuls of frosting (shortening with sugar) and some green beans.
Which leads to...
The daughter now has starting going behind the drapes and standing very quietly for #2. This is another sign that she is ready for potty training. The first sign was that she said "Hey dad, I gotta shit, where's the crapper?" I guess I should move the toilet back into the bathroom.
Speaking of bodily functions. We own a retarded cat who had been castrated yet still finds the time to piss on just about any vertical surface devoid of cat piss. Before today the only surfaces that met this criteria were the office furniture that I had just moved to the dungeon. Now he has so graciously anointed my furniture with his liquid of death. I am not a unreasonable person and consider myself a lover of animals.. but..... this fucker is coming close to a visit to kitty purgatory via the local euthanizer.
I really feel like doing this but I would never and could never.
Lets talk birthday presents- the pile of useless shit grew exponentially in a matter of 20 minutes. Well it might not be useless to the daughter initially, but give it a couple of weeks and the 73 new toys will be added to the "I'm tired of that stupid toy" pile and I will build another addition to the house to save them.
One of the presents she got was three tent-like cubes big enough for her to stand in connected by two tunnels. She immediately jumped on what looked to her as a solid object. Well these things are just held up by flimsy aluminum poles and won't withstand a 5 mph breeze much less 30 pounds of bouncing flesh. The cube collapsed and she went down head first on the floor. She quickly arose with tears streaming and blood dripping from her mouth. She had cut her upper lip and was calmed by chewing on ice. Fortunately no broken teeth (so much for realizing the redneck dream early) but it was quite the traumatic occurrence for a two year old.
The daughter's birthday cake was a Hello Kitty cake (everything in our house is now Hello Kitty. I am thinking about a Hello Kitty tattoo on my forehead) with two big Hello Fucking Kitty candles. When the crowd sang happy birthday to her she got really shy and buried her head in mommy's shoulder. My mother said I did the same thing. After the candles were blown out the daughter ate about four handfuls of frosting (shortening with sugar) and some green beans.
Which leads to...
The daughter now has starting going behind the drapes and standing very quietly for #2. This is another sign that she is ready for potty training. The first sign was that she said "Hey dad, I gotta shit, where's the crapper?" I guess I should move the toilet back into the bathroom.
Speaking of bodily functions. We own a retarded cat who had been castrated yet still finds the time to piss on just about any vertical surface devoid of cat piss. Before today the only surfaces that met this criteria were the office furniture that I had just moved to the dungeon. Now he has so graciously anointed my furniture with his liquid of death. I am not a unreasonable person and consider myself a lover of animals.. but..... this fucker is coming close to a visit to kitty purgatory via the local euthanizer.
I really feel like doing this but I would never and could never.
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