7/31/2006

I don't think so

We tried to coerce Lolo into cutting her toenails tonight. For some reason she is terrified of having them cut and thinks it will hurt.

Before bed we were trying to cut them and Lolo said "I want to go to bed with all my toenails"

7/30/2006

Milestones

I reached a significant milestone on my last post and failed to recognize it. My last post was my 69th post. Yay 69!

Lolo pooped in the potty for the first time in her life at Mimi's on Friday night. She also asked me if I wanted a cup of coffee while I was giving her a bath tonight. The question came out of the blue- I have no idea where she got that. But I sure as hell know where she got her new taste for Happy Meals. The wife and I don't feed her that shit. I guess that is the price of free childcare via parents.

Lolo says she doesn't like crabs.

I was rejected by the wife tonight.

So I am laying her on the sofa, er.. uh.. I mean my bed- watching TV and a commercial for Bowflex is on. It promises me pumped arms, ripped abs and legs of steel. Shit all I have to do is buy this miracle machine and work out for 20 minutes five days a week and I too will look like the dude on TV. I couldn't dial the phone fast enough.

The sad part about this is that the stupid commercials actually work. How many idiots are out there waiting to spend their hard-earned cash on that machine? The people who fall for those commercials are exactly the ones who do not need to be spending money on one of those machines. They need to get a personal trainer and a gymn membership and a little discipline to actually stick to a workout regimen.

7/27/2006

Those are UDDERS dear!

I was reading a new book to Lolo tonight. It had cartoonish drawings of several cows in it. Lolo pointed to the picture of one cow with udders and said "Look daddy, that cow has four penises."

7/25/2006

Fighter Jet Crashes at Local Airport

A F-86 Sabre Korean War Vintage jet crashed on takeoff at the airport about 2 miles from my house. My thoughts go out to the late Mr. Fuller's family.

Is this turning into a Kiddie blog?



This is not turning into a Kiddie blog, it has been one. I guess that is all I have known for the past 2.5 years. Maybe one day my life will be interesting enough to produce material that has quality potential. Hmm. Maybe a trillion dollars in gold bullion will fly out of my ass.

Lolo now sings her ABCs with authority, loves to sing Twinkle, Twinkle, Yiddle Star and count objects to ten while understanding what she is doing.

She also has insisted on wearing pull ups and for the past two days has been peeing in the potty.

Whew.

The twins had their first round of shots today. They both went to sleep immediately after the shots- they must have been wasted from the Tylenol. I'm tellin' ya! Those two and their vices! First is was breastmilk now children's Tylenol.

Atticus weighs 12 lb 6 oz and had some foreskin adhesion. Adrienne weighs 11 lb 5 oz and has a labial adhesion. I can honestly say that I never thought I would use the word labial in a conversation much less a blog.

Know your victim

Note to self: If I ever give up my life of being a passive, non-violent and law abiding citizen and start to rob and mug people on a random basis, I might want to make sure I choose my victims wisely.

Don't mess with Thomas Autry

7/23/2006

Twins Ain't EASY



My wife is a freaking saint.

The twins are in a stage where they will only sleep about 20 minutes if you put them down otherwise they cry and cry. So if you want them to sleep and not cry you must either breastfeed them (not an option for me yet..... I am considering implants) or carry them. So the wife is constantly breastfeeding and sleeping with the two 8 week olds and her boobs are constantly store. Throw that in with a 2 1/2 year old who needs constant attention to keep her from using her poop as Play Doh and you have two adults who are pretty much delerious and quickly getting to the point of blown synaptic syndrome.

This too shall pass.

I was out of the country all last week for work (translation- I get a vacation and the wife has more of a challenge) and the wife went to my parents house to stay. Thank Venus for the parental units being close by. But the built-in baby sittters have a significant cost as well- the guests sanity. Living with my mom and dad is enough to make Bush bring the troops home from Iraq.

I might as well give up the getting lucky part. There is always next year. Getting all three chillins to sleep at the same time is kind of like a manned mission to Mars- it will happen one day but who the fuck knows when?


To make the day better I slammed my foot into the high chair and broke my toe.

This too shall pass.


Adrienne wasted on breastmilk


Atticus wasted on breastmilk

7/06/2006

If I Don't Use It Will It Fall Off?



Now that the twins have settled into the routine of sleeping in my queen bed with the wife there pretty much is no room for me- especially if I am actually going to get sleep. So I spend my nightly horizontal unconscious time on the sofa.

So let's review.
Six week old twins
Two year old daughter
Wife breastfeeding twins
Twins sleep in bed with wife
I sleep on sofa

In another seven months or so when I attempt to put an end to my career as a professional abstainer I am not even sure if I will have functioning parts. Unless I get a test run beforehand I guess I will have to take my chances.

I wonder if I can get a free pass for another roller coaster?

I wonder if the wife will mind?
Question to self: "What color is the sky in your world?"

7/05/2006

My Favorite Sound (besides my children's laughter)

If you have ever been to the south (western NC, upper SC, northern GA) you will recognize this. It is pretty much my favorite sound. What might sound like hiss is a sweet rummer rain shower. Things can get really peaceful around here when Lolo and the twins are asleep.

The sport of Extreme Childrearing

Lolo now can take off all her clothes except for her shirt for her bath. The other night in the tub she sang twinkle-twinkle little star all the way through. She also loves to sing the theme song to Miffy (that minimalistic bunny without a mouth toes or fingers that can grasp paint brushes). Her version goes like this:
"Miiiiiiiiiiiiiifffffyyyyy sweet yittul bunny, Miiiiiiiify smart yittul bunny"

Today I was reading "Snap, button, zip" to Lolo and when it got to the button part where she had to put the big button through the buttonhole (a practice book for buttoning a coat) she was not able to do it and got really pissed off and screamed "It's so frustrating!" I had no idea she knew such a big word and understood the context! I know that she got that one from her mother- the queen of impatience.

The wife was at home all day by herself with the twins and Lolo. She seemed to have a pretty good day until I got home- that is when both the twins became very fussy.


By the way, I am having to sell our awesome Volvo to afford the Expedition we just bought. I can't even put into words how awesome this car is- just not big enough for the fam damily. If anyone wants a great car please step up!!

7/04/2006

Zoo and Misc Stuff


Okay I look drunk in this picture, but really I am still reeling from the impact of having twins and I just had thought about how much two weddings will cost in another 35 years (one year after the age both of my daughters will start dating).

Today we took Lolo and the twins to the local Zoo. Lolo had a blast feeding the giraffe and camels. She really liked the camel with two humps. Normally I like two humps as well but I will probably have to wait until the twins get out of my bed for that to happen.

I am not real thrilled with this local zoo which is really a farm that has exotic animals. Most of them are caged and don't have a lot of room to move. I think in a way it is cruel. It was just too damn hot at the zoo for the twins so we didn't stay long.



The twins are becoming more and more alert. Atticus is the more fussy of the two. They are both breastfeeding and bottlefeeding since the wife thinks she does not make enough milk for both of them.

Now the wife is letting me sleep through the night every night. She is taking them to bed with her and rolling from one side to the other all night to feed them both.

Lolo is still not showing signs of potty training. She still requests to inspect her brown diaper artwork at every change. We hope that will change soon since she is now enrolled in a summer pre-school program and will have peers that actually don't poop in their pants.

Lolo didn't have school this week due to the 4th holiday. It sure is tough on the wife to have all three at home with no help. We must find her some help during the week when it is her vs. the three chillins (or youngerns as the folks around the parts say).

We (the whole family) made a trip to Target on Sunday. What a freaking ordeal. I made the mistake of taking Lolo out of the shopping cart. She immediately started pulling shit off the racks and throwing it on the floor (did I expect andything different?). Trying to get her back in the shopping cart was no easy feat and involved screaming, whining and crying. When we got to checkout, Lolo decided to lose her shyness and talked to the cashier for about five minutes. She told her about how she was going to the beach. The cashier asked her when and Lolo replied "I'm going to the beach in August" It was like she was acutally having a conversation. I like to think that this means she is really advanced for her age of 2.5 years.

Happy 4th of July!